20 February 2007

7 Tips for Job-Seekers

1. If you must include a photograph in your application, don't choose one from a party. Don't choose any photo where you have your arm around someone making a kissing-face, and/or a cigarette in your hand. In fact, a good general rule would be to not choose any photo where you have to specify your hair color to identify yourself.

2. Don't include phrases like, "Your satisfaction is guaranteed," or "By gift of nature I am a perfect orator," in your cover letter. Just don't.

3. When applying for a position at the workplace of a close acquaintance with whom you don't get along well, don't try to hide your connection by not mentioning his/her name in your cover letter or hiding your application from that person. It will come back to bite you. I mean, what are you, 5?

4. Don't say that salesmanship is really just about "convincing propaganda" when applying for a promotional position.

5. Don't offer to provide a 90 minute video tape of a speech you gave as evidence of "deafening applause of approval expressed by over 3000 people from various walks of life".

6. Don't put "Hello!" in the subject line of your application via email.

7. And finally, don't offer to work for "several months" without pay to prove yourself.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Cannot. Stop. Laughing!

Oh deary deary me. Hope the interviews went well and you received the deafening applause of thousands from all walks of life!